Have I Died And Gone To Hell?

I wink at her, sending her the most stunning smile I can manage.
And she flips me off.

Very well then, bitch.

I lean back in my seat, thinking hard about what to do.
If I don't have her in my bed by the end of the night, I'll just take her weak, boney friend.
It's no big deal.
I'd just much rather screw her.
She seems like she'd give me a run for the money!

“If you as much as sneak a peek at me, one more time, I swear to God I'll rip out your throat.” she growls.

So feisty!

“What's the problem, babe?” I smile. “Don't like getting some male attention?”
“All men are assholes!”

Especially me!

“Might be.”
“Stop talking to me!” she hisses.
“Aw, sweetie, did daddy not give you the time of day when you were a little girl, huh?”

She's blushing.

Jackpot!
Oh, my God, this is too good!
I found her weak spot.
A sassy girl with daddy issues, seriously, it doesn't get any better than that!
In two minutes she'll be begging at my feet.

“Hey,” I sigh, putting my hand on her shoulder, gently nuzzling it with my thumb. “I'm sorry if I got a little too personal there, I really didn't mean to!”
“It's okay,” she mutters. “you're right.”
“Is that why 'all men are assholes'?”

She shrugs her shoulders, ordering some girly drink I've never heard of before.

“You can tell me,” I smile. “I'm nothing but a stranger in a bar!”
“It's kind of a long story.”
“I'm not busy!”

This whole sugar act is killing me on the inside.
Jesus Christ, she better be worth it!

“Well, when I was born my dad wasn't really there..”

So it begins; she pours her heart out, and I pretend to listen.
Most of it is gibberish to me.
I don't get girls, they're so emotional!

She looks like she's about to either have a hurl, or burst into tears.
I repeat: she better be worth it!

“I'm sorry,” I say. “you didn't deserve to grow up like that.”
“Sometimes I think I did, I was never good enough!”
“Sweetie,” I sigh, brushing my hand through her messy hair. “you're a beautiful girl, and from what you've told me, you have a heart of gold!”

Killermove. Launched.

“Really?”
“Yeah,” I nod, reeling closer. “you seem like the kind of girl every man dreams of!”
“You're just saying that to be nice.”

Oh, girl, you have no fucking idea!

“No,” I chuckle. “I mean it!”

She sighs silently.
Fishing for complements?

“Hadn't my heart just been broken,” I mutter, shedding a crocodile tear. “I'd definitely fall for you!”

She kisses me.
Boom, bitch, I knew this would get you!






New thing I hate: red lipstick.
God damn, I look like she's mauled my face.

I kick off my shoes and slam her against the wall, cupping her ass.

Jesus Christ, she's got one Hell of a booty alright!

She wriggles out of my grip, tearing my jacket off.

“Someone's eager!” I whisper huskily.
“Shut up!” she growls, pulling my t-shirt over my head.

No one talks to me like that, you stupid cunt!







I throw her on the bed, stripping her of her clothes.
Great ass and great tits?
I mean, how lucky can you be?

I kiss down her inner thighs, digging my nails into her hips.
She's moaning like a fucking ghost, raveling her fingers in my hair.

I should've tied her up and gagged her, my God!

“Fuck me!” she whines.

Now the sound of that is just fine with me.

“As you wish, babygirl!” I smirk, unbuttoning my jeans.
“I don't fuck without a condom.”

Oh, fuck no!
You've got to be kidding me.

“Sweetie,” I whisper, hovering over her. “I want to make you feel like the goddess you are,” I kiss down her neck. “don't you want to actually feel me?”

I wonder if she's drunk enough to buy that..

“I don't want to end up pregnant.”

Oh, trust me, honey, if that happens you can expect a boot to that perfect ass, down a flight of stairs.

“I'll pull out, and if anything goes wrong, I'll still be there!”

Lies, lies, lies, lies!

“Do you really mean it?”

I nuzzle her cheek with my thumb.

“Trust me, beautiful!”

She arches her back to meet me, and I feel her warmth drown me.








I put my hand over her mouth, muffling her loud shrieks.
Had I known that she was a screamer, I'd have gone to great lengths to avoid her.
Fuck.

I lift her legs further, pounding into her.
I just want to get this over with.

“Oh, my God!” she growls.

I smack her thigh, apparently sending her over the edge.
Like I ever cared.
It's not like I do it for them.

I pull out, turn her around and slam into her again.

Note to self: keep earplugs near at all times.

I grab a good handful of her thick hair, biting my lip.








“What the fuck?” she hisses.

I snigger, admiring my new masterpiece.
I've decided to call this one 'jizz-alá-Ricky'.
Her hair looked like a fucking bird's nest anyway, I just added to the disaster.

“Well,” I smile, lighting a cigarette. “I think it's time for you to leave!”
“Excuse me?” she growls. “There's no way in Hell I'm going anywhere, with your nasty cum in my hair!”

I'd kill for a bottle of chloroform right now.

“Babygirl,” I grunt, rubbing my eye with my palm. “I honestly don't care.”
“You have to at least let me take a shower first!”

Get the fuck out of here, bitch.

“Listen, babe, your ass needs to walk out of here, now.”
“I'm taking a shower!” she huffs, stomping out of my bedroom.

Oh, fuck, whatever, I'm way too drunk to physically kick her out.

“Slam the door when you leave!” I shout.








I wake up, instantly knowing that something is way off.
First of all, Rad isn't in my bed, which is very unusual.
And there's this smell of pancakes haunting the whole place.
I don't cook.







“What the fuck are you still doing here?!” I hiss as I enter the kitchen.
“I thought you might be hungry!” she smiles.

Rad meows at me from the windowsill, and I'm positive that that's a real cheshire cat grin I see.
God fucking damn it!

“Here's what's going to happen, sweetie,” I sigh. “you're going to clean up in here, then you're getting the fuck out of my t-shirt, and getting your yappie ass out of the fucking door!”
“Come on, Ricky,” she coos. “I made you breakfast!”

Hangovers and girls are a bad match.

“I don't eat breakfast, bitch.”
“Well,” she shrugs. “suit yourself!”

There's no way I'm having this.

I grab her by the shoulders, leading her out in the hallway.

“Okay, babygirl, this is goodbye!”
“No,” she chuckles. “I still have to clean up, remember? So why don't you just sit down and dig in, while I'm at it?”

Have I died and gone to Hell?